Hello I do not know if my message will be heard but I got to a point or if nobody hears me then suicide will be my last option because I can not stand this life that is just like a hell for me, I am obliged to remain anonymous not afraid for my life and for the one I love. I am a 17 year old girl from a Muslim country, I had a love affair with another girl also Muslim, but given the nature of our relationship we were forced to hide because this kind of relationship the d where I come is a death sentence, I did not choose to be like that, where I come from society has always strongly rejected people like me, I was 15 years old when I started felt feelings for my friend, I did not understand what was happening to me, I was terribly afraid because when I heard my parents talking about people like me, homosexuals were like we were people destined hell, as if we were not human, as if we were children of Satan and that we had to kill ourselves, to mistreat, to banish ourselves from society, for fear of that I could not express my feelings vis-à-vis the one I loved, she was my friend, my friend she was a little friend but little by little she realized it and thanks to God she felt for me the same thing, I beg you do not judge me and do not tell me that these are just children's tricks, in my Girls do not have a childhood, girls are forced to marry men who might be their grandfathers. I was in school and even if it was secretly I lived my love life quietly with my friend. Until 1 year ago. his parents surprised us while doing intimate things, in front of me they beat him as if it was not even their own daughter, before calling my parents who did not even wait for us to return before To beat me, it's all blood that my parents threw me into the room and leave almost two days without care or food, but despite all the pain that I felt everything that went through my head was to know how my friend went, what happened to her, what did she do to him, the simple fact of knowing that she was suffering because of me, by the fact that I love her, by the love I have Feeling for her hurt me more than the pain my parents had inflicted on my body. Two days later my mother allowed me out of the room, she washed me, dressed me, made me beautiful, I did not know what was happening, when I asked her she was just glancing at me and looking at me. 'insult. a little later, a delegation came to my house, it was the first time I saw these people at home, my father introduced me as if I were only an object, these people looked at me from all sides . a few hours later, my mother told me that she and my father had decided to marry me to a man living in France, since I represent for them only shame and misfortune they did not want to keep me under their roofs, they wanted nothing more to do with me, they just told me that this man whom I did not know, whom I had never seen, would be my husband now and that I should obey him and submit, I felt like I had fallen to hell, I could not believe that my own parents had done this to me, I could not even run away because the days that followed I was constantly locked up in my room, I could not even get any news from my friend, nothing at all. the day I was just handed over to a man who was supposed to be the brother of my future husband and who would accompany me to him, all along the way and after several countries crossed since I was a virgin, this man forced me to satisfy him sexually in many other ways than to penetrate my vagina, I do not want to go into details because the mere fact of thinking makes me want to throw up. After having illegally entered France, this man took me to his brother who became my husband. Husband is a very big word, because my first night he raped me when I tried to postpone his advances, and the night after, and again and again, for months and months I was not allowed to step outside, I did not even the right to go to the window, I had no phone, no way to contact anyone, I had to suffer this hell day after day, again and again, one day I thought I had a opportunity to run away, I wanted to go to a police center but I knew absolutely nothing here, the neighborhood where I am is poorly attended and nobody helps anyone, because all those I met on the road and to whom I was asking for help or simply the way to a police station avoided me, I barely made a few blocks when my husband's brother, who during my trip had forced me to do things disgusting just to satisfy me caught up, this day the old disgusting who serves me as a husband beat me so much that it broke my arm, I had blood in my eyes, which came out of my nose despite all the pain he had inflicted on me, that did not prevent him from abusing me every day that God did To satisfy all its dark fantasies of strength, for almost two weeks I was only vomiting blood, the prison in which I lived was even narrower, because in addition to all that I already undergone, I I had a right to eat one day out of two, for him I am only a sexual object because even during my periods he does not hesitate to be satisfied either through my vagina or my anus, and to use my body as I see fit. I've reached the stage where I do not even want to see my own body because it disgusts me. I have thought many times to commit suicide, because I do not consider what I live as a life, there is only one thing that still makes me want, the hope of finding the one I I like it because some time ago I learned that she was still alive in the country, all that I would like is to go home, go get her and go away from this world that refuses us just because that we love each other, this is my only dream but I do not have the least money, my husband does not even give me a penny, the phone I use does not even have a chip, thanks to God I often get connected to a wifi, and that I must be careful for fear of being surprised by my husband or one of these brothers or friends. I do not even have the right to speak to someone, I was threatened that if I tried anything, in addition to the harm that would be done to me, they will find my friend stayed in the country and make him suffer the same fate, and for nothing in the world I do not want it to endure would be only one tenth of what I have lived. I have no rights in this house. if I come to talk about it here it's because the last time I saw on TV we talked about a site where we could ask for all kinds of help, dreams, needs, and sometimes generous souls respond to calls from the poor. And that twitter or Facebook was the best place to be heard especially people like me. So here I'm shouting, I do not even know if I'm good at opening this jackpot but this is the only thread that keeps me alive in this world. my idea may seem stupid but I tell myself that if I am amassing enough money I could exchange it for my freedom, so I beg you to come to my help, out of pity, for God's sake